Fetch, Roll Over...Die.

Saw a woman walking her dog. One of those teacup Pomeranians. They’re small. Look like balls of lint on a leash. That sh*t.

She had a treat for it. But first, she made it jump through more hoops than a circus clown.

Sit up
Speak
Turn in circles
Roll over

The tiny performing lint ball responded to each hand gesture carefully, performing its designated little acrobatic feats with silent efficiency.

And then, it took out a small handgun and shot itself in the face.

No, but it should have. I mean, where’s the dignity?

Forget the fact the things about the size of a hood ornament, but now it’s being trained to give the neighbors a laugh while they sip Pimms cups.

Heaven forbid this poor bastard was ever released back into the wild. Well, or maybe just Bed, Bath And Beyond—still, what’s he got to fall back on?

His most basic animal instincts have been replaced with the ability to stand on its hind legs and wiggle its paws.

Nice.

Try that in the Serengeti when you’re surrounded by snarling hyenas. Seriously, let the dog have what’s left of its life.

Free it to roam grassy, African plains. Well in this case, maybe department store aisles, in search of adventure.

For cocktail hour, just buy a frickken stuffed animal. Throw it in the air. Turn to your guests and say “I taught him everything he knows”. Then pour more drinks.

Because believe it or not, even small dogs have big dreams.

And so does lint.