Oh and the flu. Which explains the codeine-laced cough syrup.
And all of it, not in that exact order.
So in a flu-induced stupor I may have accidentially watched "Dancing With The Stars".
And I have a favorite.
Paul McCartney's one-legged ex-wife.
Yeah, I know. Bear with me.
So here's the thing. Metro-sexual, Iron John's, balanced w/our feminine~call it what you will but when beer comes to pizza, guys are just well, guys.
I have it from the most trusted sources in Gossipdom that Healther Mills is a certified cougar in the sack. Now, why am I unable to remember my wedding anniversary date, but have this useless factotum coded in to every firing synapse? See above.
So when she hits the floor, there is of course that guy-part of my brain that's secretly hoping the leg goes airborne during a spin and takes out rows 1-4 of the studio audience. Or second choice, that faux Italian/French gay judge.
And of course, evolved man that I am praying nightly for world peace, there is again, guy-brain that, I'm sorry who you are or what you've done but put a chick in front of me with snaggle-teeth, a bad 30's do and a peg-leg? Instinct kicks in and we must ridicule until said chick snaps and goes Carrie on National TV.
Unless of course, its rumored that Peg's a nympho. Which for some reason in Guy-lexicon rhymes with Mother Theresa. Say it slowly--"Nympho". "Mother Theresa". Trill your "R". No? Whatever.
Which explains that despite the fact HM won't last another round, or two tops--she's my new underdog.
Or as my wife said "Oh, cute. She's your underdog pick because she said "I just want some child at home to see me do this with my leg and say to themselves~I can do it too".
"You are such a dad".
To which I responded, "Yes".
But remember, somewhere deep in the heart of every dad past the pampers and the empty beer bottles~is a guy.
Another recent discovery of note:
No matter how high I turn up the blender Codeine will not froth enough to top my Cappucino.
So I'm just drizzling a nice little syrup-lattice of it over the foam.
Codeine's cool that way.
